Intimacy

So what exactly is intimacy? Most people would say that it is the sexual act of love making but it is really more than just that. Random House Dictionary describes intimacy as "a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group." I'll take the definition of intimacy one step further and describe it as such:

trust

over risk

The amount of trust or vulnerability that you are willing to risk with an individual is congruent with intimacy. Now when we talk to the mail carrier, we probably not going to expose our deepest, darkest secrets because there is no need to. The amount of interaction is probably limited to friendly banter. There may not be enough time in a day to establish deep, intimate relationships with everyone you meet. And you certainly may not want to. But hopefully, that would not be the case with a partner, best friend, mother, father, child, sister, etc. We should be able to expose ourselves- our deepest, darkest, naked feelings that define ourselves. But in order to get there, we need to feel safe with others including ourselves! We have to be willing to own all of who we are- the good and the not so good.

Intimacy can be on many levels- emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, and financial. We may share in some areas but not in others, depending upon the type of relationship we have or want to have. We may spiritual intimacy with one person and yet mental with another. It is all about degrees of intimacy.

So how intimate are you with the individuals that you interact with on a daily basis?

Many have intimacy issues because of the hurt that they have suffered in past relationships and/or the lack intimacy established as a child. So many create relationships where they prepare themselves for the inevitable hurt by not fully exposing or giving themselves to another. This way, they have one foot out the door to run in case it gets too painful. And what they don't realize is that they are actually setting themselves up for sabotage and history to repeat itself. Open and honest communication is the best remedy to any relationship. And if you aren't getting it back, then ask yourself why you are in such a relationship. Is it a reflection of yourself or your fears? Be honest with yourself...it's the starting point to any intimate relationship.